1) "Bounty-Gate"
This is simple. You can't come up with illegal schemes with a group of guys who, next season, will probably be playing against you. This isn't the 70s or 80s anymore. Free agency exists now. Chances are, a player that was either traded from the Saints, wrongfully cut by the Saints, or signed on as a free agent with one of the Saints' division rivals, is the one who snitched in the first place.
Sean Payton is losing $7.5 million and Gregg Williams' career is fucked because they trusted too many people. Stupid motherfuckers.
2) Tourney Time
Okay...
a) Stop calling the tournament "March Madness". If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me, "Hey, have you been watching March Madness?", I'd put all 5,000 nickels in a bag and beat the shit out of some of y'all before I went and cashed those hoes. It's called the NCAA Basketball Tournament. That's like calling Christmas "Season's Greetings" or something.
b) If you're going to only let players have 5 fouls, stop calling charges every other play. Every year a great team gets eliminated from the tourney because of foul trouble, and this year isn't any different. The refs are turning basketball into a pussy sport... even at the highest level:
c) How come none of y'all filled out a women's bracket? You sexist bastards. Side note: I bet Brittney Griner gets more pussy than most dudes do. Just a butch. I mean hunch.
3) Public Service Announcement
Okay, pay attention if you are friends with any tall, extra skinny, long-legged white girls: The next time you're with your lanky friend, please tell them to stop wearing these kinds of shoes:
If you have long feet and skinny legs, the LAST thing you should do is wear shoes like these. And yet, day after day, I see these clown-footed girls wearing these shoes with skinny jeans. It's not a good look. I don't know who told them it was a good look, but it's time that we help by letting them know. I would want one of you to tell me if I had a big ass booger in my nose. This is sorta the same thing.
4) Dwight Howard
See? Told you he was an attention whore. I told you. I fucking told you. Called it three years ago, BEFORE bitch ass Skip Bayless did.
5) Tim Tebow
Speaking of Skip Bayless, have you guys (and gal) noticed what's been going on? Even though the Broncos brought new meaning to "ASAP" in how fast they got rid of Tebow's ass, Skip is still acting like it's a good sign for Tebow. That #freetebow bullshit is just Skip refusing to admit that he was wrong. Tim Tebow sucks, y'all. He sucks. The Broncos got some lucky wins in the 4th quarter last year, yeah, but how long can you maintain that shit in the NFL?
And what the fuck are the Jets thinking? I look at that team, throw my hands in the air, and say:
6) Fitness
Have you guys tried hundredpushups.com yet? I'm serious. That shit works. All you gotta do is force yourself to commit to it for a couple weeks, and then it's smooth sailing. Kinda like anal sex for some of y'all fruity booties out there.
No, but for realio... try that shit. It works. And if you can't do full push-ups, feel free to improvise:
7) Andrew Luck
Did I already mention that this douche looks AND sounds exactly like J.P. from Grandma's Boy? Google it. Anyway, yeah, it's true. And I hate it because they both sound like they constantly need to blow their fucking nose.
8) Random Chick
You're welcome.
9) Just sayin...
I'm preeeeeetty sure Rob Gronkowski is downing beer bongs and was allegedly kissing a 16-year-old during Spring Break, and yet you've heard nothing about it on SportsCenter. But if Terrell Owens owes a little bit of child support...
Just reminding you of the world we live in. Don't shoot the messenger.
10) Umm...
I forgot what my last point was gonna be. Of course I'll remember after I hit SUBMIT and then I'll be pissed, but I don't care. I'm tired of typing.
Deuces.
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