THE MOST RACIST COMMERCIAL ON TELEVISION

I'M PLAYING THE RACE CARD. CALL MY BLUFF.

I'm speaking of, as you see above, ↑this↑ fucking ridiculous Frosted Flakes commercial. Mysteriously, the video of the commercial is nowhere to be found on the internet. Kellogg's obviously did this on purpose, because the comments section would be full of people like me calling them out on their bullshit. Go ahead. Try to find it on YouTube if you have time waste. I'll wait...

If you've seen the commercial (which, surprise, comes on like 14 times during NBA and March Madness games), then you'll follow along just fine. If you haven't seen it, I'll do my best to describe it to you as I go. Grab a sandwich, because I'm about to do some preaching:


1) THE BOX - What the fuck? If you have siblings or children of your own, you know exactly how much damn cereal is in the damn cereal box as soon as you pick it up off the shelf. And yet the dad in this commercial doesn't realize that there's less than half a bowl's worth of cereal in the box before he starts pouring it. WTF? Stupid.

2) THE STORE - The black man and his daughter obviously live in a nice neighborhood, so one would think that there would be a grocery store nearby. But even though they live in a beautiful house, they're obviously too broke to afford a $2 box of cereal so half a bowl is all that anyone is going to eat this morning.

And just when you think that maybe the reason why they didn't go to the store was because they didn't have time to do so...

3) THE SHOWDOWN - The black man and his daughter both look to the basketball hoop in the backyard, and instantly decide without speaking that they're gonna go play some hoops to decide who gets that stanky-ass half a bowl of cereal. The stingy, selfish black father can't just GIVE his daughter the fucking half-bowl of cereal; she has to go outside and battle on the basketball court for it. Again, WTF?

4) TONY THE TIGER - Right on schedule, our favorite cartoon tiger shows up in the backyard, keeping score as dad and daughter play a game of H.O.R.S.E. by the garage.

First of all, let's just ignore the fact that a talking, animated, ferocious carnivore just casually shows up to their house unannounced. It's television, so rational rules don't apply. But damn man, why the fuck doesn't Tony walk around with a spare box of Frosted Flakes? I mean, he's always talking about that delicious shit, but he doesn't ever have the product handy? Stupid.

5) DOMINATION - As if the young black father hasn't been portrayed as being ghetto enough, he proceeds to BUST HIS DAUGHTER'S ASS in basketball. Hittin' backwards shots and shit... come on now.

Over half a bowl of cereal? Give me a fucking break.

6) HYGIENE - If you've ever played basketball outdoors, you know that it only takes a couple of dribbles before your hands are completely covered in dust. Everybody knows that. But these apparently nasty-ass black people come back in the house and go straight back to the kitchen table. If you watch the commercial closely, you'll see that the girl still has the ball in her hands when she sits down. So it's not enough that us blacks play basketball to resolve all of our disagreements, but we also don't wash our hands? Thanks, Kellogg's.

7) THE COMPROMISE - The selfish negro baby-daddy sits down at the table with FULL intentions of eating his victory half-bowl of Frosted Flakes until his hungry, growing daughter pushes her bowl towards him. Obviously broke and unable to do anything other than play basketball, the father and daughter share their food. Daddy slides about 14 flakes into his daughter's bowl, leaving about 8 or 9 flakes for himself. Problem solved. Part of a balanced breakfast my ass...

8) THE FIST BUMP - And to add insult to injury, Kellogg's makes the father and daughter do some stupid blow-up fist bump bullshit. In case y'all didn't know: BLACK PEOPLE DON'T ACT LIKE THAT!

We don't go play fucking basketball before eating breakfast, we don't share a baby-sized portion of food, and we damn sure don't do baseball handshakes at the kitchen table while Tony the Tiger looks on in the background talking 'bout, "They'rrrrrrre Grrrrrrrrrrreat!!!!!"

Racism still exists. Don't let it consume your kids. I'll leave you with a little wisdom from Jackie Moon: