SAN ANTONIO SPURS, OH HOW I LOATHE THEE

Okay, here we go. Quick and painless:

TOP 5 REASONS WHY I HATE
THE SAN ANTONIO SPURS

5) MANU GINOBILI - Everybody seems to love Manu, but not me. Can't stand him. The way he seems to fall every time he lays the ball up, the way he's always grabbing on his gigantic nose, that fucking Euro-step (even though he's not European) that nobody can seem to stop, his uncontrollable bald spot, and, of course, the flopping. Fuck Manu Ginobili.

4) GREGG POPOVICH - "Coach Pop" can eat a dick. First of all, unless your parents named you "Giggle", nobody should ever have three Gs in their first name. Second of all, fuck this dude. I know he's a good coach, okay? But he is single-handedly responsible for me missing the 1999, 2003, 2005, and 2007 NBA Finals because his team was too fucking boring to watch. I understand that they play high-quality basketball, but they have no personality. Basketball is a kid's game; they play it with the enjoyment and enthusiasm of colon surgery.

Oh, and Greggggg looks like an old version of Dewey from "Malcolm in the Middle." You know, the annoying sibling. Which is fitting.

3) MATT BONNER - I hate Matt Bonner solely because the guy shoots like a high school girl. And apparently she wears New Balance basketball shoes (WTF?). And apparently she practices naked...well, except for those words painted on her chest and that black stripe on the side of her leg.

Spray Tan, bro. 20 bucks.

2) TONY PARKER - This is Brent Barry's now-ex-wife, Erin:

Don't get me wrong: I wouldn't exactly kick her out of bed. She's definitely a solid 9 (okay, well, maybe a solid 8 because she's kinda mannish in the face). But anyway, as you all know by now, Tony Parker decided to cheat with her while he was married to this:

Okay first of all, Eva Longoria is a 10. Duh. But Tony Parker didn't replace Eva with Erin; the greedy French bastard wanted to keep smashing both of them on the down low. And second of all, YOU DON'T FUCK YOUR FRIEND'S CHICK! EVEN AFTER THEY BREAK UP, LET ALONE WHEN THEY'RE STILL TOGETHER, LET ALONE WHEN THEY'RE FUCKING MARRIED!

Tony Parker is a piece of shit. Excellent taste, but a piece of shit nonetheless.



1) BITCH-ASS TIM DUNCAN - When Tim Duncan has that stupid dumbfounded look on his face (which is 24/7), I just want to go grab a step ladder and do this:

I can't fucking stand Tim Duncan. You can call him the best power forward of all time, but you still wouldn't pay $ to watch him play. And the only reason why he's considered a power forward is because David Robinson was on his team in the early years. Tim Duncan is 6'11" a.k.a. a CENTER. And he's not the best center of all time. Not even close.

Oh, and what is this weird shit that he does at the beginning of every game?:

The end.